“From the beginning, the dance told me – this is not yours. It is a gift to give away.”
—Terre Parker
filming Liz O-Brien dancing, photo credit: Elizabeth Pangburn
For Her premiered on Friday, October 2nd, 2020. You can watch it here. In this version, the artist talk is a separate video. Find out more about the piece here. @terreparker on social media.
For Her: Reflections on a creative process
By Terre Parker
Creating For Her has been a wild ride. It began last fall with an invitation from an artist I deeply respect – Terry Jenoure. In this meeting, I had my professional hat on (my artist hat safely stowed away.) We were dreaming up a new arts program series and Terry (also a woman of multiple talents with professional and artist hats) had agreed to present one artist. There was a moment of silence and then Terry turned to me and said, “Why don’t you do your thing?” I couldn’t turn down that invitation/challenge.
Being a mom (Rule to live by: Unexpected delays will occur!,) I decided to start early and began working in the studio with collaborators last winter. (You can see some of the early self-portraits in my previous guest blog post.) I danced in the intended site – a grove of elder beech trees – one time before COVID shut everything down around me.
Enter four months of just getting by. Then in July I heard from Terry that we were still on and that I should submit 30 min. of video. 30 min. of video! On top of a full-time job, five year old at home, COVID… How?
on site for a shoot with a bat, photo credit: Terre Parker
I knew I was being called up to give something. From the beginning, the dance told me – this is not yours. It is a gift to give away. So I named it “For Her” to remind myself that I was the channel, but not the owner. I felt the turmoil, pain, grief, and loss of the last months and years of my life pushing on the dam to get through this dance. I was afraid. I called my dear friend Lauren Kindle. She said, “I would not want to be called to create a grief dance right now. I don’t envy you, but I know you can do it.”
I have found a practice of looking in the mirror and saying “I believe in you.” I gave the dance to thing in me that I have been talking to. She heard me.
filming Barbara Cortez-Greig, photo credit: Elizabeth Pangburn
Collaborators Barbara Cortez-Greig and Liz O’Brien re-connected. A new collaborator – Elizabeth Pangburn – emerged, another working/mom/artist. Working together I started to see how Elizabeth made it possible for herself. I began making it possible for myself. I asked for help. I committed to the dance. I made it as important as other people’s needs. I asked it not to eat me up, but to feed me.
Sometimes I have to close my eyes to feel what I have to do next., photo credit: Elizabeth Pangburn
Elizabeth and I met for costume fittings and video editing sessions outside. My mom picked my son up and they drove off with masks on and windows down. I was in costume with my camera and tripod packed when she arrived to pick up. Everyone had a lunch packed, including me. I jumped in a neighbor’s car – masks on, windows down – to catch a ride to the Brook. My neighbor reminded me, “Why make art?” I answered, “Only if you have to.” I had to. I hiked in to the Brook, set up my camera. I became her for 45 min. It was easy to fall in. She was right there. I was ready. All the packing lunches, working late hours to provide for my family, troubleshooting and planning precautions for COVID, it all made me ready. I arrived home with just enough time to take off my wet, dirty costume and shower before my mom and son drove in the driveway. It had been two hours total.
Revelation! I can create art I believe in with only two hours. I began to feel more alive than I had in a long time.
First day of shooting, photo credit: Elizabeth Pangburn
I carted my son around to research sites. I thanked my blessings for a union job and took a week off. I declared it art week. I ordered equipment. I relearned video editing. I met with Elizabeth, Barbara, and Liz in different local sites. Masks. Distance. Children. Snacks. Migraines. Delays. Technical failures. Construction vehicles making an unexpected soundtrack. All through it the sound of running water. My mom and Elizabeth taking turns with my son to make it possible.
Terre and Elizabeth on site, photo credit: Elizabeth Pangburn
I had one weekend to edit the video. It was not perfect, but it told me what to do. Then my uncle died in the sweeping California fires. I still had to record 10 min. of an artist talk. I was raw and grieving and swamped with work for hire. I had only 1 hour. I went to the River. I asked for what was supposed to come out to come out. I stopped talking after 10 min. and reviewed the video. I hadn’t meant to say so much, to be so vulnerable! But it was not mine. It told me so.
The video is not perfect, but it is real. I became myself again through the process. Thank you, For Her.
on a two-hour solo dance shoot, photo credit: Terre Parker
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For Her is presented by Augusta Savage Gallery for REVIVAL/50: Terre Parker as part of a year-long digital performance series celebrating Augusta Savage Gallery’s 50th Anniversary. This event is also part of the Creative Women Leading Climate Action series presented by the UMass Arts Extension Service, Augusta Savage Gallery, Women of Color Leadership Network, College of Humanities and Fine Arts Advising and Career Center, Department of Theater, and UMass Amherst Center at Springfield with support from Women for UMass Amherst, UMass Sustainability Innovation and Engagement Fund, Massachusetts Cultural Council, and the Arts Extension Service’s Arts Entrepreneurship Initiative.
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Costumes by Elizabeth Pangburn.
Also by Terre Parker: A Dancer in Isolation
For Her (Artist Talk)
For Her (Performance)